4.6.2016
In a recent SF Chronicle article, “Researchers Seek to Define What Makes a ‘Good Death’ (4/3/2016),” the study found that when people were asked what they would define as a “good death,” the highest response is for people to choose who they would want to be, where and when they would like to die. For the most part, people would like to have their family and closest friends surrounding them and they would prefer to die at home which would most familiar. The second quality of a good death is to be pain-free. With today’s medical field, this would hardly be a problem. But the third and most surprising quality of a good death is to have a religious or spiritual leader nearby to support and perhaps to reassure the dying person of an after-life. When we live in such a materialistic world where products and devices attain most of our satisfaction, it’s unusual to think that these people interviewed would like to have a pastor, priest or a rabbi in the room. This finding is encouraging for those who are still responding to a call to Christian ministry.
In a little over a month, I’ll be 67, lived one more year beyond my Social Security retirement age and waiting to live 3 more years to receive a larger retirement benefit of a loophole in the federal budget of “filing and suspending” benefits for 4 years to earn 8% compounding annually. This would lead to as much as $700.00 more per month. I hope to live long enough to benefit from this.
If I were to answer what may be the qualities of a “good death” for me, I would say this. On my deathbed, I would like to have Joy there to hold my hand. I would like to have my adult children, Greg and Heather, Daniel and Lauren there. And if possible, the grandkids there too only if they are not afraid seeing me the way I might be. If I’m able I would like to have just a few words with each of them. Maybe something like “john Jacob or Sarasponda.” It would be all right to die in the hospital since I know that dying at home may leave images too difficult to overcome. I would not like anyone to have to replace a mattress just because I was on it at the time of death!
I don’t think that anyone in his or her right mind would welcome pain. But I have always lived with the motto of “When there’s no pain, there’s no gain.” To stay fit with vim and vigor, one needs to challenge our muscles to gain strength. There wouldn’t be much need for weight training on one’s deathbed! I think I have always had a high threshold on pain. A cut or a scrape doesn’t bother me as it might in others. I often say, “With pain, you know that you are alive.” When I am dying, I hope that I don’t receive more painkillers than I need. I would like to be as conscious and mindful as possible as long as I can still interact with people.
And finally, would I want another religious person in my midst when I am dying? Maybe I might. But I think that I have been ready to die when my three brothers died, when my father died and lastly when my mother died. As the last member of my nuclear family, I don’t feel alone when I have Joy and my family. But I do feel I don’t really belong too when everyone I grew up with is now with the Lord. Having a pastor present when I die would be helpful to my family I suppose. But for me, I’ve been ready for some time but at the same time, I have been so amazingly blessed beyond any measure that living life as long as I could continues to be my wish, my hope, my prayer, and my joy.