Communication for Healthy Households
2004 Family Camp
September 4-6, 2004
Learning Session 1
Saturday, 7:30-8:15 PM (45 minutes)
Introduction
Building a healthy household requires that we learn to be better listeners and model good communication skills. Over the weekend, we’ll examine how we communicate with our family members and learn to improve. As parents, we will learn how to better communicate with our children and as children and youth, you will learn how to better communicate with your parents. In Ephesians 5:21, we read, “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Skits
Summarizing Learnings
We all need to be understood—children and parents alike.
As parents, we can embody “Problem Personalities.” (Page 12)
As parents, we use “Conversation Stoppers.” (Page 19)
Show our Book Resource
Review the “Four Commandments of Communication.” (Page 18) Copies of the book will be given to the parents afterward.
Closing Prayer
Learning Session 2
Sunday, 10:00-11:30 AM (90 minutes)
Introduction
Last night we learned that parents also have a need to be understood. Since we are older and bigger most of the time, our prejudices and points of view can become barriers to our ability to understand the feelings and thoughts of our children.
We wear sunglasses, shading what we hear them saying.
Activity: Sunglasses Cut-outs
Input
Share “Ineffective Listening Habits”—selective listener and pretend listener (page 13)
Small Groups—“Understanding Ages and Stages”
Parents group themselves according to children who are:
Early Childhood
Elementary
Junior High
Senior High
College
Young Adults
Review the descriptions of your child in the book. (Pages 21-25) What did you learn about your child’s stage of life? What did you learn from each other as parents? Look over the “Tips” for Communicating…” at the end of Chapter 2. (Pages 29-32)
Input
Share about how the father knows each of his sons in the Prodigal Son parable in Luke 15:11-32. The father empowered his children by simply allowing them to learn from their mistakes—giving them responsibilities and then holding them accountable (and granting grace—undeserved love). Share “Empowering Your Child” instead of enabling or rescuing them. (Page 25-26)
Break
Small Groups—“Learning Your Child’s Communication ‘Style’”
Parents group themselves according to how you perceive your child to be either “shy” or “assertive.”
Read over the descriptions of the two kinds of children and discuss how you see your child fitting into these characteristics. (Pages 33-35) Look over the “Tips for Communicating…” at the end of Chapter 3. (Pages 39-40)
Input
Share “Knowing Your Child—and Yourself” (Pages 35-36)
Schedule one to one “talk times” with your child. ) Page 39)
Closing Prayer
Learning Session 3
Monday, 10:0-11:30 AM (90 minutes)
Introduction
The point is that we as parents can change from eliminating barriers such as “problem personalities” and ineffective listening habits to improve communication at home. Besides eliminating barriers, we can acquire new to listen more actively and effectively.
Yesterday, we educated ourselves about our child’s developmental stages and we became more familiar whether our child is “shy or assertive.” Today’s session will focus on what we can do to acquire some basic skills to bridge our relationship with our child through 3 habit changes.
Activity: Skits
1. Habit #1: Take off your sunglasses and translate what you hear. (Page 42)
Focus on translating instead of interpreting
2. Habit #2: Be attentive to your children. (Page 43)
Focus on listening attentively including body languages
3. Habit #3: Practice the skill of lightly probing. (Page 44)
Focus on removing the layers to your child’s feelings—permitting all feelings to be expressed
Inventory
Do the inventory on how attentive you are on page 47. Score the results and discuss with your spouse or others.
Input
Share the Boy Jesus in the Temple in Luke 2:41-51 when Jesus’ parents tried to communicate with Jesus. He was growing up, rebelling, and coming of age. Mary was trying to “stay on the inside” of Jesus’ life but found it to be difficult. Jesus did come home and the Scriptures said Jesus was obedient to them.
Share “12 Ways to improve Communication in Your Home” (Page 48)
And “10 Ways to “Stay on the Inside” of Your Child’s Life” (Page 49)
Summary
As parents, we are once again reminded that we need to live in a circle of influence (Stephen Covey) rather than a circle of concern where we are always reacting to events and circumstances. We fail to plan ahead and end up “putting out fires.” (Page 5)
The writer of this book, Jim Williams in the beginning section talked about following the “North Star” versus the “Artificial Star.” The North Star keeps you on corse, the moral center of the family, or the core beliefs, values, and principles that you help your family stay on course God wants you to follow. (Page 5)
The artificial star represents the values of the popular culture that leads our children do what feels good rather than what is right, pursue instant gratification rather than practice delayed gratification and proper timing; and look out for “number one” rather than for others.
The North Star can best be rooted in the Ten Commandments (Deut. 5:6-21), the Golden Rule (Mt. 7:12), the new commandment of Jesus (Mt. 22:37-40), and the love chapter (1 Cor. 13) as well as other passages.
To clearly articulate your “North Star,” drafting a “Family Mission Statement” may help. It will capture your core family values. On pages 19-20, there are guidelines for you to write a statement with your children involved.
Closing Prayer