The relationship of father and son has historically been questionable and admirable. Oedipus kills his father. Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac. The father and his prodigal son (and older son too). Marlin finds Nemo. Shaft protects JJ. What other father/son relationships can you think of?
My son Greg is 44 in the middle of his career years. He has achieved and accumulated. As one who has developed many networks, Greg was wondering about his own voice on what may be next in his life. He wanted to be away for awhile to hear his voice.
The Kumano Kodo in Japan was the setting for his search. It became the place where I reached my physical limit as a 70-year-old. It was also the time to nurture our father and son bonds. For our “father and son” relationship, it is strong and life-giving. For 9 days on the trail, this is what we discerned.
- Role Reversal
The son becomes the caregiver and the father becomes the dependent. Physically and technically, Greg led our hiking adventure. He provided Osaka comfort amenities when we needed it.
- Personality Type
Father and son share similar obsessive/compulsive traits. The daily trail challenges propelled us to complete each day’s hiking toward the destination.
- Life Reflections
The Kumano Kodo novelty offers new experiences to remind us of past experiences worthy of reviewing and reclaiming. For example, traditional Japanese food triggered past times when we didn’t like what was for dinner.
- Family Dynamics
The reality of being only two of a larger family universe meant that conversations would migrate to the family. These talks were rich and revelatory on how each of us sees life from one’s own particular perspective.
- Life Goals
Seeking and receiving the father’s approval of his son’s life’s aspirations is a significant stage of development. Affirming Greg’s accomplishments and in turn being asked if my goals have been achieved confirmed and celebrate our present realities.
- Giving and Receiving
Another example of role reversal is the son’s ability to give when he has received. At the end of the Kumano Kodo, I was given a TAG Heuer watch with an engraving to commemorate our Japan adventure.
- Making Time
When routines have a strong grip on our lives, deliberately taking time to be with your son/daughter is possible. Planning for an adventure in the future like the Kumano Kodo offers time together that is priceless.
- Ongoing Journey
Like what the Kumano Kodo taught us, it’s the journey rather than the destination that is important. Growing up, growing old, growing together are journeys marked by milestones after only having traveled.
What is your relationship with your child? How might you as a parent begin a journey with your son/daughter to strengthen this relationship?
Don Ng with Greg Ng, 11.22.2019